I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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