I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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