I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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