i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
