Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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