so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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