eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
