guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need water and some morals
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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