dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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