And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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