he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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