Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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