I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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