with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I could make wine with my vomit
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
