Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
