Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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