How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
