I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
