In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
