Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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