brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
