I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
