that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
