can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
