david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
