Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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