I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
