My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
