No stitches, just platelets and will power
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
