Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Found your dick twin last night
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
