remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
