I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
