I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
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DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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