I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
