I heard we made out
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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