Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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