Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
