I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
