you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
