I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
