Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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