I wish i was in the wii world.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
