so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
4 words: hood of his car
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
