Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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