I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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