I molested 6 butterflies tonight
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
