I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
