Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize