Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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