I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
