People in love make me want to vomit
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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