I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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