just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
