One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
