youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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