and she was petting her beer can
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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